Dear college that's emails me more than my mom texts me,
Please stop contacting me, I have already unsubscribed from your mailing list. I am not interested in your university anymore for a variety of reasons. For starters, my major of choice is not well suited with the courses offered on your campus. I also found it strange how you text me at 3 a.m, asking me if I have decided on a college yet, even though I am not even halfway done with my senior year. The fact that you also found out my social security number and are using it as leverage to get me to go to your college is also strange. My friends also tell me that it is not normal for colleges to send a tiny doll modeled after me to my front porch. I'm going to have to agree with them there as how did you even get access to a photo of me? I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are coming off as super clingy and I think it would be better for the best of us to part ways.